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  1. #33001

    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Quote Originally Posted by Bub View Post
    Heard a good joke today at a funeral. Itís likely a very old joke.

    I adopted a dog that used to belong to a blacksmith. As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
    I am totally stealing this for work on Monday.
    Ask me about my groin pull.

  2. #33002
    Administrator Bub's Avatar
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    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Quote Originally Posted by Archer1979 View Post
    I am totally stealing this for work on Monday.
    Here's another I heard today (pastor was telling these during the Homily):

    A golfer hits off the first tee and slices into the woods. He take a daring shot, which hits a tree in front of him, bounces back and strikes him in the head, killing him instantly. St. Peter greets him in heaven and says "I see you liked to play golf." The mans answers, "yes, and I was pretty good." St. Peter responds, "How good?" The man replies, "Well, I got here in two!"
    Let the kids play.

  3. #33003
    Tends to be difficult JL25and3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bub View Post
    Here's another I heard today (pastor was telling these during the Homily):

    A golfer hits off the first tee and slices into the woods. He take a daring shot, which hits a tree in front of him, bounces back and strikes him in the head, killing him instantly. St. Peter greets him in heaven and says "I see you liked to play golf." The mans answers, "yes, and I was pretty good." St. Peter responds, "How good?" The man replies, "Well, I got here in two!"
    Thereís a guy who really knows how to get yuks at a funeral.

  4. #33004

    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Reminds me of the old Groucho Marx joke...

    There's a condemned man on Death Row. He gets a last meal. Has a long talk with the priest to get things off his chest and cleanse his soul as he makes his way to the gallows. He climbs the steps to the platform where he is greeted by the hooded executioner who quickly puts the noose around his neck.

    "Any last words before we, you know, spring the trap?" asks the executioner.

    The condemned man takes a quick look around the gallows and says "Yeah. I don't think this thing is safe."
    Ask me about my groin pull.

  5. #33005
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    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Grandbaby #2 and my first grandson was born, at home, late last night. Still waiting on the name, but everyone is doing well. Cute little thing.
    "Deep to left! Yastrzemski will not get it! It's a home run! A three-run homer by Bucky Dent! And the Yankees now lead by a score of 3-2!" - New York Yankees announcer Bill White (October 2, 1978)

  6. #33006
    Administrator Bub's Avatar
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    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Quote Originally Posted by theDurk View Post
    Grandbaby #2 and my first grandson was born, at home, late last night. Still waiting on the name, but everyone is doing well. Cute little thing.
    Congrats!
    Let the kids play.

  7. #33007

    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Quote Originally Posted by theDurk View Post
    Grandbaby #2 and my first grandson was born, at home, late last night. Still waiting on the name, but everyone is doing well. Cute little thing.
    Congrats. Very nice news, Tim.
    Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. ~ Dale Carnegie

  8. #33008

    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Quote Originally Posted by theDurk View Post
    Grandbaby #2 and my first grandson was born, at home, late last night. Still waiting on the name, but everyone is doing well. Cute little thing.
    Congrats, Tim! We need pics!

    I could never do a home birth. That is hard core; I have a couple acquaintances who've had them. I enjoy pain relief too much. The time before my epidurals started working was bad enough.

  9. #33009
    Tends to be difficult JL25and3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jlw1980 View Post
    Congrats, Tim! We need pics!

    I could never do a home birth. That is hard core; I have a couple acquaintances who've had them. I enjoy pain relief too much. The time before my epidurals started working was bad enough.
    Big baby. I bet you got all shrill and whiny about it.

    Congrats, Tim.

  10. #33010
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    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Quote Originally Posted by jlw1980 View Post
    Congrats, Tim! We need pics!

    I could never do a home birth. That is hard core; I have a couple acquaintances who've had them. I enjoy pain relief too much. The time before my epidurals started working was bad enough.
    Well, the mother is a mid-wife herself. She wasn't going to wimp out. Plus, she got to use a birthing pool.

    "Deep to left! Yastrzemski will not get it! It's a home run! A three-run homer by Bucky Dent! And the Yankees now lead by a score of 3-2!" - New York Yankees announcer Bill White (October 2, 1978)

  11. #33011
    Living Life Outloud yankeeschic12324's Avatar
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    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Congrats Tim!

  12. #33012

    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Quote Originally Posted by theDurk View Post
    Grandbaby #2 and my first grandson was born, at home, late last night. Still waiting on the name, but everyone is doing well. Cute little thing.
    Those 2 grandbabies are gonna be very lucky children.
    Congrats Grampo!!!

  13. #33013
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    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Congrats Tim and family.

    Awesome news.
    There's a sinister plot a brewin'

  14. #33014

    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    He's beautiful, Tim. Congrats again. Is he also in Brazil?

  15. #33015
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    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Quote Originally Posted by jlw1980 View Post
    He's beautiful, Tim. Congrats again. Is he also in Brazil?
    Thanks. No, this one's in Philly, less than a 2-hour drive on back roads.
    "Deep to left! Yastrzemski will not get it! It's a home run! A three-run homer by Bucky Dent! And the Yankees now lead by a score of 3-2!" - New York Yankees announcer Bill White (October 2, 1978)

  16. #33016

    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Congratulations Durk.
    Ask me about my groin pull.

  17. #33017

    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Today is my sister's 70th birthday. I told her that made me feel old. She said "how do you think it makes me feel?"

    Anyway, she has nothing to worry about. She defies aging. Beautiful outside and even more so inside.
    Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. ~ Dale Carnegie

  18. #33018
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    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Quote Originally Posted by fredgmuggs View Post
    Today is my sister's 70th birthday. I told her that made me feel old. She said "how do you think it makes me feel?"

    Anyway, she has nothing to worry about. She defies aging. Beautiful outside and even more so inside.
    Happy Birthday to sister of mugs.

    My wifeís oldest brother turns 78 this year. Sheís 10th of 12.
    There's a sinister plot a brewin'

  19. #33019

    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    You two are making me feel young and I'm pretty much a fossil.
    Ask me about my groin pull.

  20. #33020
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    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    My only brother is 82 and my only sister is 80. I am younger--what my parents called a surprise and what Grumpy Cat calls a mistake.
    "Deep to left! Yastrzemski will not get it! It's a home run! A three-run homer by Bucky Dent! And the Yankees now lead by a score of 3-2!" - New York Yankees announcer Bill White (October 2, 1978)

  21. #33021

    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Quote Originally Posted by theDurk View Post
    My only brother is 82 and my only sister is 80. I am younger--what my parents called a surprise and what Grumpy Cat calls a mistake.
    How many years are between you and your sister?

    My dad is 71. His oldest sister will be 85 in a couple months. He is 6th of 9, though one of those was an older sister who sadly died at a couple days old. His mom had her first child at 21 and the last one at 45. I'd die. That's way too many years with young children.

  22. #33022
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    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Quote Originally Posted by Archer1979 View Post
    You two are making me feel young and I'm pretty much a fossil.
    My oldest sibling just turned 58 a couple of weeks ago.
    There's a sinister plot a brewin'

  23. #33023
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    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Quote Originally Posted by jlw1980 View Post
    How many years are between you and your sister?

    My dad is 71. His oldest sister will be 85 in a couple months. He is 6th of 9, though one of those was an older sister who sadly died at a couple days old. His mom had her first child at 21 and the last one at 45. I'd die. That's way too many years with young children.
    13. She's a grumpy old Trump-loving nasty gossip. She was nice at the beginning. Big bro is still cool.
    "Deep to left! Yastrzemski will not get it! It's a home run! A three-run homer by Bucky Dent! And the Yankees now lead by a score of 3-2!" - New York Yankees announcer Bill White (October 2, 1978)

  24. #33024
    Tends to be difficult JL25and3's Avatar
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    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Iím the youngest of four. My older brother just turned 70.

  25. #33025

    Re: Longest Thread Ever 5.0

    Quote Originally Posted by theDurk View Post
    13. She's a grumpy old Trump-loving nasty gossip. She was nice at the beginning. Big bro is still cool.
    Ew. I'm sorry. Sadly a lot of my family members are similar in that regard.

    Quote Originally Posted by JL25and3 View Post
    Iím the youngest of four. My older brother just turned 70.
    Your siblings are all cool, right? I mean, they're good people? I didn't know you were the youngest.

    I'm second of four sisters.

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